On It Goes - Sept/Oct, 2015

ON IT GOES

SEPTEMBER & OCTOBER, 2015 *

(I sit here at the computer......,
Just trying to guide my brain
And my focus and intent....
How many months was it?.....
In a much needed zone of rest
After another week assisting the fifth grade teacher. )

* At three and four months -
Since the onset of the Lyme symptoms
And subsequent Lyme diagnosis.
Just journal entries posted here today-
Ten for September and two for October.
They were in the form originally written -
Compiled from the two different
Written and typed journal logs I was keeping then.
(Rereading this reminds me of the Diary of a Type A entry I'd posted here on the blog. oy,)
(And now editing even later - 2/20 - 
So that all of the entries are more easily readable, 
i.e. not in book format - more like prose).

~ I'd gone away for my birthday weekend
In January of 2017
To get an idea of where I was at
With writing a book about all of this,
Which was started in April of 2016.
Had to take much of that January weekend
Just to chronologically coalesce the two separate journals that were started
(And all of the other documents related to the experience,
 As well as articles, etc. about Lyme Disease).
It made some of the symptoms worse,
Staring at the computer for so many hours
Over the course of those three days,
With so many cognitive tasks.

****************************************************************************

SEPTEMBER

9/4/15 – Fri 11 am

It is so bright!  
Not able to drive to Swansea for 1^st fall session – 
at the last minute – 
not confident in safe driving for such a long drive

+ SO BRIGHT

Has been all summer – 
not helping my migraine-ous head for sure.

I laid down w/ an eye cover - 
+ saw a pulsing pattern wave of light 
behind my closed eyes – 
started counting - 
@ 12 waves downward slowing to stop at the end  

Then repeated–

Then eventually 11

+ 10

+ 9

+ it stopped

About a dozen in all, 
once I noticed them.  
Could have been happening w/ my eyes open…

Earlier @ ½ hour

Had stepped from stones to back porch 
+ back of my head swirled around inside my head –

Prior to that was just pressure in my head (front)

Had weighed in at TOPS

Didn’t stay.

Had cleaned up pools + tarp earlier

+ done computer work – 
eg scheduling for NRC w/ KS

Did dishes

Broke out in a sweat –

No temp, tho.

Homeopathy at 3:00 Emailed if I could do 2:00.

Hope it helps.

Thought the glasses would – 
w/ transitional lenses for the sun

Had gone into living room to get R’s opinion 
@ driving to Swansea  - 
he couldn’t pull his eyes off of the TV –

‘well be careful’ 
he mumbled as I walked away in disbelief – 
Then I said I wasn’t going 
+ called the client's mom.  
She said the cleaners were late + was ok  
(The sound + chaos would have been worse)

40 minutes later – 
still in bed – 
talked to a friend, 
whose good friend had just died unexpectedly L

Recalling –

Yesterday, 
took Graham’s soccer sock he dropped – 
to the front of the school – 
told Bill I needed to drop it at the library – 
and we just stood there staring at each other - 
I didn’t realize I’d said library until he finally asked, “library?” 

Wed – 
decided to take the invoice out of the garbage 
in case I was feeling well enough 
to do the makeup (session) with Seniors on Mayflower Circle.  
Saw I’d written 00.75 for $75.00. 
Never done that before in over almost 25 years.

                Eyes whigging out now.

Denise said sounds like a concussion – 
when trauma on the brain – 

it needs to rest

9/6/15

today on third Homeopathic remedy for post-Lyme:

For 2 wks:
1 dose (30c potency 2-3 pellets) of Lyme Borrelia

yesterday: 
one dose only of “ledum”,
for the “bite”/skin puncture 200c potency

day before:
one dose – persenicum?,
For my head/”nerves” 200c potency

Really don’t feel much different – 
tho head hurts a lot more 
+ of course it’s so damn sunny!

Been 2 months of mostly sunny days – 
even when it rained elsewhere, 
it didn’t rain here.

Gotu Kola tincture from Korin 
didn’t make much of a difference.  
Maybe didn’t take enough:
15 drops 2 x / day 4 days)

9/8/15

Looks like I’ll go back to B+W neurology 
for questions I have-
‘getting lost in email’ per Dr. L 

------------------------------------------

Helping to limit my daily chores

Cause they are fairly ongoing as it is

6 is my limit now

Pretty much done after 
dishes, 
dinner, 
bills, 
watering garden, 
buying groceries,

+ tending to the boy 
+ dog

That’s more than 6, 
+ then there’s the day job!

Usually is some type of:

cleaning

office work

yard work

garden (for 6 months)

errand

tending to boy + dog

+ then there’s the house renovation ‘projects’

Less for me – after year 23 
(I warned him at year 17 that I was done at year 20 - and was tired of having to initiate most of it)

9/9/15 – 3:15 pm

Listening to Carole King 
on Plymouth work drive home today – ‘
You’ve got a friend’ applies to the ‘village’ I have that Kathleen referred to when I posted on FB re: Lyme advice/references. 
Not at home.  
Not good for my health at home.  
Too much criticism + bullshit + stress.  
Love the time I’m by myself – 
and with my community – does include family, but….(they’re too used to me doing too much for them)

9/11/15 – 11:45 am

Leaving for Bourne site  -

1^st long distance drive since 7/29

Since replacing coffee with tea, 
have been combining feverfew (for migraines) lavender, mint, black and green teas 
@ 2 weeks now – 
had it for Clara at 8 years old

9/15/15

a little better each day with Lyme remedy

Head not good today

took ibuprofen and tea around same time - 
+ sunny

+ 2 hrs on computer

So acupuncture helped

@ 16 needles

All symmetrical pairs:

3 in each arm -
(2 on top of elbow crease + 2” out arm)

and hand - 
(1 in fleshy part – back + in from thumb)

3 in each leg -
(2 in stomach meridian of shin – where itches deep down)

And foot -
(1 between big toe and next toe in @ 1 ½”)

2 in from top hair line @ 1”

2 on eyebrow arch

9/22/15 4 pm

just had my first dose of Bella Dona (Night Shade):
 4 pellets, 30 c each, 1x/day, 3 days?

for my headache – 
w/ subtle strobe visuals that persist

+ can’t move head quickly – 
so I slow to stoop, and slow to lean or turn

lying down + closing eyes helps

headache has been the one persistent symptom 
since day one

end of June – mostly in the front

sometimes to the back

alternates:
as low grade brain freeze
+ low grade ocular migraine 
+ pressure headache

Cheryl Pino (Homeopath) 
also asked if I liked dogs – 
any phobias?
~ ran thru all things I’m not afraid of 
+ then recalled how occasionally border on a panic attack

usually in crowds

She also asked what a hellish day would be for me -----------

A day of hell 
(other than the extreme of one of my kids dying) would be being late, 
being misunderstood, 
not getting done what I’m expected to do – 
and ultimately – lacking a support system – 
that was key for the Bella Dona – 
which is of the plant kingdom 
(intuition and related to feelings) – 
the other 2 'kingdoms' are:
animal (active, in a nutshell) 
and mineral (structured, in a nutshell).  
On a Venn diagram 
I think I would pretty equally cover 
each kingdom w/ my traits + constitution…
so it would depend on what was going on in my environment and relationships after that…

We’ll see how this goes –

And an MRI tomorrow night.

9/23/15 – Wed 5 pm

Today is the best I’ve felt since the end of June 
+ I tell R that 
+ he says something lackluster (can’t be bothered): “Well then…. is that good news?” 
Fairly stunned, I say to him, ‘
I don’t know. Is that good news?’   
Bella Dona: 
for feeling of lack of support, in part.

9/24/15

Well, the MRI certainly Resonated my brain. 
Over a ½ hour.

It was a challenge to not squeeze the panic bulb.  What to think? What to focus on? 
They had no music (“sorry”) 
like people said they would. 

My head was in a ‘cage’. 
My upper body was in the big ‘tube’.

I couldn’t move.

I breathed.

I thought of the song, ‘Blue Skies’

Very very slowly.

My breathing was slow.

I tried to think of the video of Clara 
singing the Cher song – 
been watching it again since Clara now on FB 
+ I reposted it – makes me laugh –

But it was too much stimulation.

Thought of Graham drumming – 
which I like – 
but too much stimulation.

‘Blue Skies’ for almost the whole time – 
very very very very slowly. 
('If I think of this 15 times ,
that will be the whole test, right?')

Had tried earlier just to count it through the minutes.  Too boring + so,  aggravating.

Last night in bed 
I had one of those ‘explosions’ in my head 
as was falling asleep – 
but this time much different: 
in the back, like a ‘pop’/crack, 
and not painful at all – 
I woke up with a startling “wah!”.  
The MRI had to have influenced that.

(Neurology at B&W had no idea what those explosions could be
????!?).

9/24/25 cont.

Took a short bike ride yesterday 
around the country block – 
hope to again, too – 
hadn’t ridden all summer since sick – 
probably not since last fall 
(too much snow in winter and into Spring) – 
almost a year

wow

+ still - @ 3 p.m.

After too many hours on the pc screen 
w/ eyes going back + forth within documents 
+ between documents – 
on pc + hard copies

+ short bike ride in bright sun, 
laid down for a short time, 
while waves fluttering behind my closed lids – counted @ 12 again – 
then eventually slowed + stopped

(repeated @ 12 times or so)

cause it was my 12^th vertebrae area that was bitten??

J u s t   a   t h o u g h t – 
I’d written about the 12 successive light waves before.

---------------------------------

Ommmmmmm……….

So Denise H. emailed 
if I was ready + able to participate in choir?  
I started a draft before coming here – 
taking a shift – 
since being sick – 
with my health as my priority - 
+ meeting the demands of my day job 
+ my home life.

-------------------------------

Have taken on 2 new sites even, 
and these are both two-fold: 
WBHS group + 1:1s for NRC, 
+ intern + shadower from Lesley U.

Need Sundays – 
holding sacred to recharge – 
catch up.

Re: my head – still intermittent through most days:

o   – pressure headache in front (tho diminished since Bella Dona)

o   – searching for words

o   – flashing white lights – behind closed lids – typically when too much brain activity (on computer, driving, chores)

o   (fluttering waves in from both sides day before yesterday)

o   – have to move head slowly (or probably would falter, feels like)

o   – ears still ring off + on (happened before sick)

o   – still sensitive to sunlight – makes vision sparkle

o   – sensitive to sound + pressure of my own voice + R’s + G’s (resonance)

I had let them know could help w/ Tone Chimes – 
but don’t see that before new year.  
Thought maybe helping out for Christmas – 
but it just sucks me back in - 
+ Sunday becomes a work day - 
+ the days before prepping for it. 
+ the holidays already have too much every year – something here + there + everywhere…. 

+ Clara’s coming home. J

OCTOBER

10/1/15

2:10 – waiting to pick up Graham @ JrSrH.

The press continues on 
with harvesting and preserving the garden –

Pink sheet shows the items I was hoping to put 
in Rachel + David’s garden basket #3 they bought 
at the church Goods + Services auction.

Trying to eat more healthy

Need to: dry hot peppers

– stuff less hot peppers (w/cheese mix)

– mash store bought potatoes w/ greens (chard, sorrel) + parsnips

– twice cook the squash that woodchucks have nibbled at (make pies?)

– stove top cook the beans

    rest will be dried to use later

– lots of tomatillos to use for a sauce 
(already froze several bags)

– make another caprese salad

– slice up the couple of cukes we have for a snack

had a great crop of parsley 
until yesterday

cause of the rain and not out there

something ate it all! – deer? – leaned over fence? and the parsnips before that

10/29/15 – Th 8 am

So glad I’m off ‘work’ today

Was going to try + makeup E’s sessions 
(3 from me in summer w/ Lyme + 1 from her out)

But too problematic

300 miles to help Luee in CT, Sat – Sun – 
post Luee’s (+W’s ) fall(s)  - 
Her @ Middletown hospital – 
car in Westbrook – 
lives in Niantic

then 3 programs in Plymouth Mon. 
kind of wiped me –

(Follow up neuro apt. @ B&W Boston Tues)

Lesley intern here 2 hours yesterday – 
house cleaned – 
included piano switch…

Graham + D. p.u./drop off – This am, too

movie (Goosebumps) cause soccer rained out

+ visited Mary yesterday – 
she asked if I’d been to church – I said no – too busy – have to set boundaries + take care of myself

*****************************************

Thanks for reading...

Until next time, 

Peace and good health to you and yours.

--Lisa :)